I’m not sure how to best go about this post.
I know what I don’t want. I don’t want this to become a recitation of complaints (or worse, excuses) or some type of pity party. What I think would be best is just to set out what’s been happening with me of late.
So, the facts of the case are these:
Physical health
A few years ago, I lost a decent amount of weight and was probably in the best physical condition I’ve ever been in. In the past couple of years, I’ve put that weight back on and now feel like I’m in the worst condition I’ve ever been.
In addition, I had a back injury due to a pair of car accidents in close succession at the tail end of 2017. While I underwent some physical therapy in 2018, it is beginning to bother me again. Whether this is due to my generally poor posture or a side effect of the weight gain, or both, is open to question.
Mental Health
I’ve struggled with my mental health for several years now and right now it feels as difficult as it ever has. Most mornings begin with the thought “why bother?” going through my head and even though I can get past that, it still takes a toll. There’s a near constant sense of defeat hanging over me.
My concentration, which used to be something I was proud of, is splintered and it feels like my day job takes up whatever reserves I have, leaving little for other endeavors (see below).
Reading
Usually, I’m fairly good with my reading. But not this past year.
I think the best example of this is the 2 most recent Dresden books, Peace Talks and Battle Ground. I’ve bought the previous 6 books in hardback shortly after each release and read them within the following week. These 2 are still sitting on my shelf unread.
Like I said above, my concentration seems to have gone to hell and even my usual habit of listening to audiobooks has fallen by the wayside. Which has had the knock-on effect of reducing the number of reviews I’ve written this year.
Writing
And speaking of the writing done this year, the majority (if such a word can be used) has been using daily word prompts from Twitter. Maybe a dozen pieces, none of which are longer than the equivalent of 10 tweets. Barely any work done on book 3, despite signing up for Camp Nano in the hopes it would act as an impetus.
The same goes for blog posts. Aside from the half dozen reviews that I have written, the majority of posts have either been re-capping the Twitter stories mentioned above, answers to other Twitter posts or the new books I’d purchased (and not read).
In fact, this is quite possibly the longest single thing I’ve written in a long time.
The Way Forward
So now that I’ve laid all that out, what’s to be done about it?
I have some appointments coming up, to get some help for both my mental and physical health. That, and maintaining a positive attitude that I can turn things around.
The Scribblings 