April, Continued

I’ve been thinking some more about my last post.

Everything I said (or wrote, as the case may be) was true, for good or ill.

What I’m trying to do right now is change the way I think and feel about it.

Last night, I was feeling very beaten down. Today, I’m trying to be more positive. Last night, I was ready to write this month off. Today, I’m trying to think of ways to turn things around.

Part of that is due to the fact that I spent some time scribbling away earlier. Not on anything House Valerius related, I might add. I don’t feel bad about that, even though that is what I want to be working on. At this point, if I get any kind of flow of words going, I’m not going to stop it because it’s on a different topic.

But the main part of it is simple. I’ve been defeatist too many times in my life. And that isn’t who I want to be. Sounds trite, I know. I know I’m going to at some point, because of the way my brain works, I’m going to feel bad about my perceived lack of progress. But I’d rather feel bad because I tried and fell short than feel bad because I let my negativity control me and decided not to bother even making the effort.

And that’s what I hope is going to sustain me and keep me going.